SIDHUISMS!!!!!!!

ever heard Navjot Singh Sidhu commentating? if not then u've missed something big!!! the similising technique he uses while commentating has become so famous in the world that they are now called SIDHUISMS!!!
Full of similes, power packed voice and a strong punching usage of English will blow u away....
Thats why sidhuisms are "as famous as a dharwad pedha"(haha...that was a harsha-ism!!!)...and they come out "as quick as a bullet from an ak-56"(ahem!!! another harsha-ism!!!).....
so i dedicate this blog to NAVJOT SINGH SIDHU.........
HAIL SIDHU-HAIL SIDHUISMS!!!!!!


(please forgive me if there are repititions.....i've typed some and the rest are from the net)

here are the few of my favourites ............

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!!!

It's like one legged person participating in a bum-kicking competition!!!



Runs are flowing like the fare in Indian taxi.

Bamboozles and mesmerizes.

Its very difficult to kill a man who is hell bent upon committing suicide!

As innocent as freshly laid egg.

Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.

Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

There, there, that's a dead duck!

Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

All that comes from a cow is not milk.

If ifs and buts were pots and pans, there would be no tinkers!

When Ganguly took a catch that had gone very high in the air:
That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it!

The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.

The gap between bat and pad is so much that I would have driven a car
through it... !


******Some more sidhuisms(courtesy: internet)*******



Bengal without Tigers!

He's in a soup!



Commenting on Sri Lankans as demons on the slow and sluggish pitches:
When you are dining with the demon you've got to have a long spoon!


Don't open your old umbrella and run it over your shoulder.

Beauty even when silent is eloquent.

The
Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.

Yuvraj Singh - The pied piper of Punjab!

Harbhajan - The sardar from Jalandhar !

On S.Ramesh's diving catch in 1st innings of 2nd test vs. Sri Lanka:
He flew like a bird and plucked it out of thin air.


He pierced it through an eye of a needle.

As crisp as a cracker.

New Zealanders have their limits, The kiwis are the birds that cannot fly!

About Chris Harris he said:
He is a dibbly dobbly bowler.

My idea of a bird is 36-24-36.



When he fielded well as a substitute for Sachin Tendulkar in the 1 dayers:
Ajit Agarkar is as fresh as a daisy.

When a loud appeal was rejected:
Big outcry, no outcome!





The Indians are jelling together as a cohesive unit.

The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

Dravid has hit this shot as straight as a candle.

FAVOURITE SIDHUISMS :
In the midst of a verbal duel with Martin Crowe:


Commenting on Ganguly after he was out for a low score in the 2nd
Test against Zimbabwe:
...Looks like a brooding hen over a china egg

In the midst of a verbal duel with Tony Greig:



In India's last match against New Zealand:
New Zealanders are like bicycles in a cycle stand - one falls down and
the complete row will be down!

THE ALSO - RANS SIDHUISMS
Taking the cake with a red cherry on top.
For Sri Lankan batsman Kaluwitharna, when he was wasting many balls:
He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot
go beyond 30!

To Martin Crowe:
The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend,
that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!

As cool as a cucumber!

Muralitharan bowling to the last Indian pair:
The wily fox is back. Its an ill omen when a fox licks its lambs.

Applauding Reetinder Singh Sodhi's fighting spirit:
Young Ricky will fight a rattlesnake and give him the first two bites!




. When you fall on your back side the only place you can look is up.
. That one was meant for the Air-Hostesses(on the sky-high shot by Yuvraj).

. The trouble with Father Time is that it did not even wait for a woman

. If you sow the wind you reap the whirlwind.
. If,If was a man my Aunt would have been my Uncle.

. Rusty brains dont squeak.


. Indian team without Sachin is like a Kiss without a Squeeze.

. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

. The cat with gloves catches no mice.


. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

. Fattest pigs go to the butcher first.

. 'In the orchard of opportunity, you can't wait for the fruit to drop

. We are all Adam's children -- it's just the silk that makes all the difference!

. Right now he's looking like a Cheshire cat that's had loads of cream!

. Spit on your hands! Take the black flag! And start slitting throats!

. He has a backlift like an octopus falling out of a tree, all over the place!

. A hair on the head is worth two in the comb!

. There is always free cheese in a mousetrap

. A dog kennel is no place to hide a sausage

. Good intentions die unless utilized

. The Only Thing You Get In Life Without Trying is dandruff.

. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an oncoming train which will run them over.

. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

. You dont judge the Horse-power of a vehicle by the size of its exhaust.

. Kenya in South Africa was like a mountain having labour pains.

. India look like a crippled cobra whose fangs are clipped.

. . I lean on statistics like a drunken man leans on a lamppost, only for support, not illumination

. They are so timid, they wouldn't say boo to a goose!

. When you fall on your back side the only place you can look is up.

. That one was meant for the Air-Hostesses(on the sky-high shot by Yuvraj).

. I dont trust the Indian batting,they can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

. The trouble with Father Time is that it did not even wait for a woman
.
One Day Cricket is like a pyjama;every one fits into it.

. If you sow the wind you reap the whirlwind.

. If,If was a man my Aunt would have been my Uncle.

. Rusty brains dont squeak.

. "If there is no difference of opinion, there will be no horse race"


. "You cannot pee like a puppy when you are running with big dogs"

. "When you can kiss the mistress, never kiss the maid!!!!"

. "Just because a rose smells sweet, you do not use it in the soup!"

. The world is all about mind and matter; I don't mind and you don't matter. "it ain't over until the fat lady sings"

. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

. "Money is like manure. Its no good unless you spread it!" (Talking about the distribution of money in the Indian cricket team)

. "They are so timid, they wouldn't say boo to a goose!" (Talking about the tail of the Indian batting order)

. "Statistics are like bikinis... what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential!"

. I lean on statistics like a drunken man leans on a lamppost, only for support, not illumination

. Every body has the thinking cap on, I have a 6 mts thinking turban on my head so i am bound to be the best.

. He's butchering them faster than you can say 'Chicken Tikka'!

. He is using his bat to make the fielders run all over the place just like my wife uses her broom to make me run all over Punjab!

. He chased the ball,as if a young guy chased a beautiful girl, but who never knew she was daughter of army officer and paid the price, with his wicket.

. Men die of their remedies, not illness

. If you stumble yourself on the same stone, do not repent for your chin

Only a brave mouse can build a nest in cat’s whiskers




-Hope u enjoyed a lot.....and the moral is: never miss Sidhu when he's in commentary box....

-harsha

FOR TECHHIES OUT THERE............

Hi all.....This blog is dedicated to all the s/w engineers and the brave soldiers who shed their lives to keep us safe and happy....hats off to them..
Take your time to read this....comments will measure your intensity of patriotism........
(note:this is a forwarded mail to me and not my own creation...........)



Software Engineers think they create everything in the world...Read till
end....too good...

Vivek Pradhan wasn't a happy man. Even the plush comfort of the First
Class air-conditioned compartment of the Shatabdi express couldn't cool
his frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and still not entitled to
air
travel. It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason with
the admin guy, it was the savings in time. A PM had so many things to do!

He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time
to some good use.

"Are you from the software industry sir," the man beside him was staring
appreciatively at the laptop.

Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop
now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car.

"You people have brought so much advancement to the country sir. Today
everything is getting computerized."

"Thanks," smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look.

He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was young
and stocky like a sportsman. He looked simple and Strangely out of place
in
that little lap of luxury like a small town boy in a prep school. He
probably
was a Railway sportsman making the most of his free traveling pass.

"You people always amaze me," the man continued, "You sit in an office
and write something on a computer and it does so many big things outside."

Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naivety demanded reasoning not anger. "It is
not as simple as that my friend. It is not just A question of writing a
few
lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it."

For a moment he was tempted to explain the entire Software Development
Lifecycle but restrained himself to a single statement. "It is complex,
very complex."

"It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid," came the reply.
This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence
came into his so far affable, persuasive tone.

"Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we
Have to put in." "Hard work!" "Indians have such a narrow concept of hard
work.
Just because we sit in an air-conditioned office doesn't mean our brows
don't sweat. You exercise the muscle; we exercise the mind and believe
me that is no less taxing."

He had the man where he wanted him and it was time to drive home the
point.
"Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway
reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between
any two
stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centers across
the
country.

Thousands of transactions accessing a single database at a given time;
concurrency, data integrity, locking, data security.
Do you understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?"

The man was stuck with amazement, like a child at a planetarium. This
Was something big and beyond his imagination. "You design and code such
things."

"I used to," Vivek paused for effect, "But now I am the Project
manager,"
"Oh!" sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over, "so your life is
easy now."
It was like being told the fire was better than the frying pan. The man
had to be given a feel of the heat.

"Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder.
Responsibility only brings more work. Design and coding! That is the
easier part. Now I
don't do it, but I am responsible for it and believe me, that is far
more stressful. My job is to get the work done in time and with the
highest
quality. And to tell you about the pressures! There is the customer at
one end always changing his requirements, the user wanting something else
and your boss always expecting you to have finished it yesterday."

Vivek paused in his diatribe, his belligerence fading With
self-realisation.
What he had said was not merely the outburst of a wronged man, it was
the truth. And one need not get angry while defending the truth.
"My friend," he concluded triumphantly, "you don't know what it is to be
in the line of fire."

The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization.When
He spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that surprised
Vivek.


"I know sir, I know what it is to be in the line of fire," He was
Staring blankly as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse
of
time.

"There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the
cover of the night. The enemy was firing from the top. There was no
knowing
where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom.
In the morning when we finally hoisted the tricolor at the top only 4 of
us were alive."

"You are a..."
"I am Subedar Sushant from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in
Kargil.
They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for
a land assignment. But tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it
makes life easier. On the dawn of that capture one of my colleagues lay
injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a
bunker. It
was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety. But my captain
refused me permission and went ahead himself. He said that the first
pledge he
had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the safety and welfare of the
nation foremost followed by the safety and welfare of the men he
commanded. His
own personal safety came last, always and every time. He was killed as
he shielded that soldier into the bunker. Every morning now as I stand
guard I can see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant
for me. I
know sir, I know what it is to be in the line of fire."

Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of his reply. Abruptly he
Switched off the laptop. It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a word
document in the presence of a man for whom valor and duty was a daily part
of life;
a valor and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epical
heroes. The train slowed down as it pulled into the station and Subedar
Sushant picked up his bags to alight.

"It was nice meeting you sir."

Vivek fumbled with the handshake. This was the hand that had climbed
mountains, pressed the trigger and hoisted the tricolor. Suddenly as if
by impulse he stood at attention, and his right hand went up in an
impromptu salute.It was the least he felt he could do for the country.

PS: The incident he narrates during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true
life incident during the Kargil war. Major Batra Sacrificed his life while
trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight.
For
this and his various other acts of bravery he was awarded the Param Vir
Chakra -the nation's highest military award.

Live humbly, there are great people around us, let us learn!





-thanx for ur time......and hope this was an eye opener for u......and for me it certainly was.....

waiting for comments
urs
-harsha bhat